The long-awaited, eagerly-anticipated return of Ted's awful, awful Haiku

Into the abyss
Of insecurity, dread
Fear and fright... Dating

Duck, duck, GOOSE... duck, duck
What a stupid, stupid game
Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck...

Tapioca, ma'am?
Just being nice... so why'd she
Kick me in the balls?

House is empty now
Not a home with such a void
We drank all the beer

Ode to a Goat

Helloooooooo, goat...
Hello furry little beard
Graze... shit... faint...
Picky eater, you ain't
Love the chevre though

This and That

It'd be a blast to go to the beach,
Though I think I'll head down to the shore.
I should make it out to the mall,
Nah... guess I'll set out for the store.
I've been meaning to tend to my lawn,
But I better go work in the yard.
I fancy myself a poet,
Yet I'm really merely a bard.
This nonsensical spiel should be stopped,
'Cept It'd be for the best if I quit.
Exemplar, these verses of turd...
Yes, there's been enough of this shit.

:-)

Yet Another Helpin' o' Haiku

My good friend Adam (he's Jewish, by the way... necessary background information) celebrated his 32nd birthday yesterday. I sent out an informal invite for a celebratory gathering last night in honor of the occasion. As a part of said invitation, I composed some birthday inspired Haiku... and now, I share it with you!

There is plenty left,
So have another slice of
Gefilte Fish cake.

Bright, pretty candles!
Friends, gifts, sweets and smiles! Now it's
Spank-O-Rama time!

With age comes wisdom,
Or so it is said. Adam,
The contrarian.

Holy Haiku, Batman!!!

Summer... you are here!
Or so it seems, as a child
Would drown in my pits.

From deep, up it wells,
Needing, yearning to burst forth-
Gas... what sweet relief!

Fudge, fudge, fudge, fudge, FUDGE!
Man... OH, MAN... how I love fudge!
My head is on fire.

I was so alone...
Mr. Unpredicatble
Bladder's bound to be.

Beer! Can't stand the sight!
Down the hatch and out of mind...
Another one, please!