From "Peter Bazooka"

Tuesday - yes, it was Tuesday
When I saw my congressman coming out of the titty bar
He didn't look like my congressman, but that's okay
Nobody really looks like themselves anymore
I think its got something to do with that crap
They've been pouring into the water
I decided it might be wise to follow the congressman
Just to see what he was up to.
After all, my tax dollars do pay his salary.
The congressman got into a taxi, so I hailed a taxi
Despite the obvious dangers involved
And the colored voices in my head began to sing:

All I gotta do is put my ear to the wall
And I can hear it all, yes I can hear it all
All I gotta do is put my ear to the wall
And I can even hear the little insects crawl

And so it begins...

Texans training camp kicked off this morning...

Friends, family... I'll see you guys in January. :-(

"A man content to go to Heaven alone will never go to Heaven." --Boethius

Well, shit... If that's the case, I guess I should brace myself for a rather warm eternity.

According to yet another wacky list of "The Best..." such and such from the fine folks at Forbes.com, Houston is the nation's 25th best city for singles. Alas, in this capacity, we apparently find ourselves the inferior of such romantic locales as Pittsburgh, Buffalo, Providence, Cleveland and Milwaukee. So... I guess I could actually get a date were I to move to Rhode Island?

Well, shit...

Golden MySpace Classics... Texas' Citadel of Stupidity's Greatest Hits, Vol. 11

Original post date: October 16, 2007 - Tuesday

There is a French proverb that says...

..."no one is so generous as he who has nothing to give".

So, a couple of weeks ago I'm on the bus, heading into town to have my bikini zone tidied up, just like I do the first Tuesday of every warm, sunny month... and as usual, I've brought along one of those little "rainy day" projects that you normally do around the house... nothing of earth-shattering importance, just one of those mundane little tasks you've been meaning to get done for longer than you care to admit. Provided it's not too complicated, a trek of any duration aboard public transportation is a great opportunity to complete, or at least put a dent in, such assiduous little chores! Besides, I'm the squirrelly type anyway... I need something to occupy my attention. Anyway, so there I am on the bus...

Despite making a point to busy myself, I had taken notice of the guy that had taken a seat across from me when he first boarded our common conveyance, probably three or four stops after I had. Beyond the fact that he was the only other passenger on the bus, the first thing that struck me about him was that he was dressed in quite a few layers for such a warm day. He even seemed to be huddling for warmth as he enveloped himself in his long topcoat. He was well-groomed, but overtly nervous, in such a way that made it seem that he might be experiencing some sort of physical withdrawal... this made him appear somewhat haggard to me, despite his manicuring. Though I had allocated enough of my attention to him to fashion such observations, I failed to pay him much heed beyond that as I refocused myself upon the tedium at hand. Almost immediately thereafter, though I was now aware of his presence, he was as much on my mind as he had been before he hopped on the bus... and it continued to be that way... until he spoke to me.

It may have been two minutes... it may have been twenty, so engrossed was I with my mindless little job that I had no clue how long he had been sitting across the aisle, facing me. His first words were almost jarring as they snapped me out of my trance-like state of occupation. I looked up to see him still seated, but leaning forward towards me, in an effort to lesson the distance between us, both physically and personally, it occurs to me now. He spoke quietly, pain reverberating in his soft, desperate voice.

"Hey, buddy... I hate to bother you like this, but could you please lend me a quarter?" he asked sheepishly.

I just stared back at him... silent.

"C'mon man... I really hate to be a pain in the ass," he said as he began to plead, "I really gotta make a phone call and there's a payphone at this next stop. You look like a good guy... hows about helping me out?"

"I don't have a quarter," I replied, surprising myself with the coldness and emotional distance with which I engaged the obviously tormented individual.

"Don't have a quarter???" he shrieked, his visage taking on a rather maniacal quality, "What the hell do you mean you don't have a quarter??? Come on, man... please just give me a quarter and I'll leave you alone. I promise!"

I continued to look back at him, expressionless. "Look... I'd like to help you out. I really would. I just don't have a quarter."

At this point, he shot out of his seat. "Well, fuck you then, you jackass! What the hell is wrong with you anyway?" he screamed, flailing his limbs about. "People like you... don't give a shit about..."

He never finished his harangue... before he could, I lunged at him and stuck him flush on his jaw with my right fist. He dropped to the floor and lay there motionless.

Maybe I feared for my well-being and let a rush of adrenaline get the best of me... I don't really know why I did it. For several moments, I stood over the unconscious heap at my feet. I knew he was still alive as I could see his torso expand and contract as he drew breath normally. Despite the ferocity of my punch, he didn't even seem to be bleeding.

I took a deep breath and exhaled as I looked up at the bus' graffiti-covered ceiling. Convinced that this poor soul was not in need of immediate medical attention, I sat back down and resumed rolling my quarters.

Today...

I think I'll partake in an invigorating 45 minute session of Tai Chi... and then cool down with a smart, refreshing iced Chai tea.

No.

Here's a weird one...

Indulging in some good old fashioned time-wasting... I'm looking at aerial images of my hometown (the lovely metropoils of Katy, Texas) on Google Maps. I scoot over from my folks' house to a bird's-eye view (if the bird were flying really, really high in the sky) of Jack F. Rhodes Stadium, home of the six-time Texas state football champion mighty Katy Tigers... anyway, here is said map, showing Rhodes Stadium... the facility is incorrectly indentified, in a most amusing way...


View Larger Map

Yes, Enron Field... once the nomenclature of the Astros' home ballpark, before, of course, all the corporate corruption wackiness. I wonder how in the world a high school football stadium 35 miles from downtown Houston would be misindentified in such a way.

For what it's worth... Google Maps DOES have the Astros' ballpark correctly identified as Minute Maid Park.

Ted's Soft Taco Bar

This is actually from a couple of weeks back... been meaning to post it, but (obviously) just getting around to it. Took some lovely home grown peppers from the garden... red and green serranos (seeded and chopped), a big, green bell pepper (ditto)... gave 'em a sweat in a skillet with some chopped sweet yellow onion... after they cooked down a bit, threw in some Morningstar Farms Meal Starter Crumbles (beef substitute) and seasoning... got my flour tortillas, lettuce, chopped tomato, sour cream and some lovely, crumbly La Vaquita queso fresco Mexicano... voila... soft taco bar!!!

Shit was good!

It just doesn't even begin to work...

I'm a big Lou Reed fan, and I love this song, but I have to say... as far as "unique" duets go, this is one of the very worst I can recall...

I have to admit...

So, I'm at work today, wearing one of my favorite shirts... one that I rarely bring out... please see below...


Anyway, a coworker comes up to me and asks me, "Um... did a peacock throw up on you?"

Gotta give him credit... it was pretty funny.

Ted's Choice for the Single-Best Simpsons Line Ever

The second episode of season seven (Sept. '95) titled "Radioactive Man"... courtesy of Rainier Wolfcastle, as he is washed away by a raging torrent of acid: My eyes... the goggles do nothing!!!