Ted's Christmas Wish List

• A nice espresso maker
• Playstation 3 with EA Sports FIFA 2010
• A pony
• Peace on Earth
• Piece of fudge... and by "piece", I mean several pounds
• For the New York Rangers to not suck balls
• A really nice German nutcracker... and by "really nice", I mean something that costs no less than $125
• The woman of my dreams
• A house... gonna have to take care of that myself, I fear
• A new job
• A new car
• A new liver
• A membership to the "Gourd of the Month" club
• A superpower... specifically, the ability to, at will, make people crap their pants
• Anticipating that I won't get the woman of my dreams (damn it), a membership to the "Hooker of the Month" club
• A cure for genital warts... for the good of all mankind, not for myself, mind you
• The collected works of JK Rowling... that should make for a lovely bonfire... HEY, YOU... MY 47 YEAR OLD COWORKER... THE BOOKS ARE FOR KIDS, YOU MORON!!!
• A return to college football prominence by the service academies
• Jared Fogle's fat jockey shorts
• Will Ferrell's head on a platter
• To be able to drink as much beer as I care to without having to worry about it's devastating impact upon my weight
• To be able to eat as much cheese as I care to without having to worry about it's devastating impact upon my weight
• An iPod, I guess... I guess I should finally play technogadget catch-up
• A street sweeper shotgun
• A joyous and holy Christmas 2009... and for my family, friends and myself to all be happy and healthy for Christmas 2010

Perhaps I am a fool...

and, Lord knows, I've been accused of being just that on an occasion or 312. That being said, I must confess that sometimes, it's a much more satisfying self-stroke of my ego (which is considerable) to leave it rather than take it.

Out with the old... in with the new...

I previously showed off the "seasonal arrangement" I threw together to spruce up my desk at work...

Well, with Thanksgiving just passed, the Christmas / winter season is officially upon us, so I present to you my new "seasonal arrangement"...

Dope, huh? The desk reference set and ESPN mic flag are not actually part of the arrangement, by the way, just desk clutter.

Come on... really??? Another Celebrity Sort-Of Look-Alike!

Quirky actor Rainn Wilson...


and storyteller and satirist Garrison Keillor

Yet another sign that Armageddon will soon be upon us...

Yup.

Well, if you lose a piece, I guess you can sniff it out...

I will readily admit to being a Yankee Candle foof to the point of being ridiculous, but, in my opinion, THIS stinks of being a sign of the Apocalypse...

Yes, Yankee Candle SCENTED PUZZLES!!!