And so it begins...

"Alright... reverse gears!" A reference to one of my favorite moments from Bill Cosby's concert film Himself... a bit where he's ruminating about the human constitution's reaction to over-imbibing.

"Alright... reverse gears!" Also, a line I find wholly appropriate in describing the annual philosophical change in the collective American mindset that takes place every December 26th. Ah, the duplicity of the holiday season... the masks of comedy and tragedy as apt for this time of year as they are the theatre.

In a matter of 24 hours, the sweetness and serenity, peace and piety derived from the celebration of the birth of The Savior of Christendom gives way to deranged, drunken debauchery, washed away in a cascade of champagne and myriad other intoxicants, with lechery left to reign in the wave's wake.

And every year, it serves to make me sad. So, at this time of year, you can pop the cork on that bottle of Brut and grope the gal you just met 45 minutes ago, but I'll take the Baby Jesus over baby new year, thank you very much.

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink...

"When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."

You gotta love Frank Sinatra!

Welll... maybe just one more!

A coworker and I went out after work last night, reassuring each other that we'd keep the evening low-key and call it a night well before last call... of course, we left the bar at 4:30 this morning. Sometimes, it doesn't help to be a regular.

"I'm going to be around until the Atomic Energy Commission finds a safe place to bury my liver." -Phil Harris

This evening, I had the opportunity to enjoy an installment of one of my favorite television series, The Universe. The title of tonight's episode was Strangest Things... appropriately enough, it showcased some of the more unusual items in our crazy cosmos, one such entity being interstellar clouds of ethyl alcohol, some as large as 1,000 times the size of our solar system. Yes, ethyl alcohol... the very same substance that gives our adult beverages their oh-so-enchanting intoxicating effect. Apparently, amongst the wonders that populate creation are big-ass clouds of booze! How cool is that?!?!? Alas, also present are no-fun substances such as carbon monoxide, ammonia, hydrogen sulfide, formic acid, aldehydes and cyanides. I suppose the concept of great, galactic kegs, floating out in the void was too good to be true.

One last thing as long as I'm on the subject of The Universe... one of the regular contributors to the program is Amy Mainzer of NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory... and she's quite the hottie...

She has NASA JPL and Cosmic Diary blogs.

Ah, beauty with brains and colossal cocktail clouds... the universe is a pretty f'ing cool place!

"No, I don't like weakness... but I like to drink!"

I think it's fair to say that amongst films that feature instances of alcohol-induced idiocy, National Lampoon's Animal House is often looked at as being the gold-standard of the American cinema, BUT... after having tonight viewed From Here to Eternity for about the 37th time, it dawned upon me that the manifestations of drunken moronity in this film may very well rival, if not surpass, Animal House in both depth and measure.

That being said, I must concede that John Belushi's character, John "Bluto" Blutarsky, is a runaway winner over Ernest Borgnine's Sgt. James "Fatso" Judson in the charm department.

These are a few of my favorite things...

Frequently, someone will ask me, "What is your favorite movie?" Or, perhaps, "Who is your favorite band?" And if they're a woman, "Won't you please just get the hell away from me?!?" At the moment, I'd like to address the first two of these sort of questions. I really have a wildly varied set of enthusiasms, and, due in large part to this, I've never really been concerned with identifying my favorite this or my most adored that. Hell, there's a lot of material to chose from here, folks! Anyway, world, due to your fascination with my fondnesses, and subsequent endless inquiries into such, I've decided to relent, and thus, I am about to give you a very brief and hastily compiled list of some of my faves. Please enjoy... and leave me the hell alone!

Favorite Films: Star Wars, The Godfather, Sweet Smell of Success, The Usual Suspects

Favorite Bands: At the moment, I'll go with The Anniversary / The Only Children, Tilly and the Wall, The Velvet Underground

Favorite Books: "Naked Pictures of Famous People" -Jon Stewart, "The Odyssey" -Homer (Fagles translation), "The Idiot" -Fyodor Dostoevsky

Favorite Comedian: Brian Regan... in a runaway

Favorite Actor: Joseph Cotten

Favorite Actresses: Eleanor Powell, Rita Hayworth

Favorite Restaurant at Which to Avoiding Dining: Chili's

Favorite Sub-Saharan African Country: Tanzania... in a close one over Botswana

Sports Favorites: MLB-Houston Astros, NFL-Dallas Cowboys (I hate you, Tony Romo!), NBA-Houston Rockets, I guess... I mean does anybody like the NBA anymore?, NHL-New York Rangers, NCAA-University of Houston, Non-American Football-Arsenal, Athlete (Overall)- Vince Coleman, Golfer-Paula Creamer (YUM!!!), Hot Oil Wrestler-Miss Candy

Favorite German Political Party: Christian Democratic Union / Christian Social Union (CDU / CSU) Coalition

Favorite Roman Emperor of "The Twelve Caesars": Vespasian

Favorite Cheese: Gruyere

Favorite Bar: Kay's Lounge, Houston, TX

Favorite Beer: The one in front of me

Favorite Child-Labor-Exploiting Sneaker Manufacturer: Nike

Favorite Political Pundit: Kirsten Powers (AND I'M A REPUBLICAN... GO FIGURE!!!)

Favorite Networks: Food Network, Discovery, History Channel

Favorite Pastime: Sleep / Belching (Tie)

Favorite Fruit: Apples / Paul Lynde (Tie)

Okay... ENOUGH, DAMN IT!!!

Goethe said...

"Choose well. Your choice is brief, and yet endless."

And that brings me to today. I've spent the last several hours efforting (TV TERM!!!) a decision on just where my friends / coworkers and I should go this evening for beverages of the fermented variety. We have our regular haunts, but tonight, we all seem to be of the "let's do something different" mindset. Keep in mind, "something different" will, more than likely, be an establishment I've only been to 75 times in the last 10-15 years, as opposed to 350. Anyway, after stating that I felt like frequenting someplace somewhat "Bohemian" tonight, my friend threw out a solid suggestion, and I signed off on it. So, in short order, we're heading off to Cecil's... and, my dearest Goethe, I pray that the decision to do so does not have long-term ramifications on the remainder of my days.

I realize that there are varying degrees of gravity inherent to the types of decisions an individual must make in life, and that choosing where one wants to drink for the evening would probably not be considered one of the more significant selections to be made, but hey, we are talking about alcohol and me, after all! :-) I could meet my future wife; I could very well be blinded in a knife fight; I might just get off easy and only lose my pants during the course of the evening... one thing is certain, The Velvet Underground's Heroin and Venus in Furs will be played on the jukebox.

Increase Mather stated that...

"Drink is in itself a good creature of God, and to be received with thankfulness, but the abuse of drink is from Satan. The wine is from God, but the Drunkard is from the Devil."

God... I really need a drink, nay, a whole ass-load of drinks!

These are the times that try men's souls

So it has come to this...

Due to concerns of both a personal and pecuniary pith, I am officially "on the wagon". I, who during the course of my adult life, have been referred to by numerous nomenclature of an intoxicated nature, such as: "Forty Ounce", "Drunky McKeg", "The Abyss", "Alcohol's Event Horizon" and so forth. Now, I embark upon my journey down a long and droughty road... a parched path devoid of my favorite indulgent elixirs, but lined with my myriad former mates-in-drink, whose still jubilant and jocular spirit-fed spirits serve to concurrently mock and tempt my newfound resolve.

Why, you may ask, choose dry? Well, it is simply an election born of necessity. This coming September, late in the month, I, along with family and friends, will embark upon a journey across the big pond to Bavaria's brilliant gem: Munchen, Deutschland. For the second time, I will be frequenting the Theresienwiese to hoist a masskrug or twenty as I celebrate Oktoberfest. Alas, as part of my preparation for this glorious pilgrimage, there are two major endeavors I must undertake: First... save some freaking money. It would probably be good to have some food in my belly with all the helles I'll be inhaling, and food costs Euros, gang (Dear Lord, please let the exchange rate rebound quickly). And second, speaking of my belly, I'm gonna need to drop about forty pounds if I have any prayer of fitting comfortably in an airline seat for the lengthy flight to Europe.

Well, there it is, folks... ten weeks to save a few hundred bucks and drop a few dozen pounds. So I now bid a tearful, yet temporary, adieu to my dear friend alcohol. See you in September, baby!