Wisdom Nuggets... NOW MADE WITH WHITE MEAT!!! (and mostly skin-free)

--Failure is not an option. POPPYCOCK, I say! Always, ALWAYS, leave failure as one of your options. It's pretty handy sometimes.

--Why shake when you can hug? Why hug when you can kiss? Why kiss when you can grope?

--Monkeys, flatulence, the Amish, phallic foods... all inherently funny!

--The curveball has a plethora of cool nicknames: the hook, the deuce, the hammer, the bender, the yakker, Uncle Charlie

--If you want to keep a secret, tell only those that you trust unfailingly... then murder them all.

--Sharp, pointy items, such as needles, pencils and Lara Flynn Boyle, should be kept away from the eyes.

--Without trust, love is bound to fail... so be sure to snoop around in your significant other's personal effects... email, call and text logs, pockets of dirty clothes, etc.

--An individual's choice of celibacy is noble... and it's no less noble when it's been chosen for you, damn it!!!

--Chicks dig the long ball! While true for baseball and golf, this doesn't apply so well to tennis.

--Blessed are the meek... Ignorance is bliss... I guess life is grand if you're a stupid pussy!