DEMONIC RAISINS, I REBUKE YOU!!!

Okay, folks... just thought I'd take a moment to list a number of topics that will never be discussed here in my little playpen o' pontification...

--Lindsay Lohan's boobs

--Joba Chamberlain joining the Yankees' starting staff

--The DaVinci Code (book OR film)

--Britney Spears' vagina

--"Dancing with the Stars"... hell, ANY sort of reality television, for that matter

--Kanye West's impact on hip-hop

--The great Hummus vs. Baba Ganoush debate (Hey... you can't go wrong with either one!)

--The New York Times

--People who put themselves, or aspects (physical or spiritual) of their being, up for auction on eBay

--My unhealthy obsession with tapioca pudding

--Gas grills

--Nicole Ritchie's Auschwitz-looking ass

--The films of Will Ferrell or Judd Apatow

--New Hampshire

--The German political party: Sozialdemokratische Partei Deutschlands (SPD)

--Hummers (the automobile, I mean. Fellatio is always fair game)

--Mennonites

--David Letterman, post 1995

--Miller beer products

--The Council on Foreign Relations, the Trilateral Commission or the Bilderbergs

--Arena football

--Canadian football

--Australian-rules football

--Brownies with walnuts in them

--Anything about Paris Hilton (other than news of her meeting with an unspeakably horrific demise)

You've been warned... don't try me, you bastards!