From "The Badger Song"

Out in the woods
Up to no good
I wanna make friends with the badger

The woodchuck likes me
We smoke PCP
I wanna make friends with the badger
I mean it!
I wanna make friends with the badger
For real!
I wanna make friends with the
Wanna make friends with the
Wanna make friends with the badger

Get drunk with owls
Drop acid with cows
I wanna make friends with the badger

Golden MySpace Classics... Texas' Citadel of Stupidity's Greatest Hits, Vol. 12

Original post date: June 20, 2007 - Wednesday

The streets will flow red with the blood of the poor bastards I happen upon!

Certain things make me want to indiscriminately murder random people. Some of them are:

--Those Dr. Scholl's "I'm gellin'" commercials

--Listening to/watching Stuart Scott

--Strawberry milk

--ANY mention of Paris F'ing Hilton (may she be shanked in jail)

--News managers

--The "music" of Dave Matthews Band

--The voices in my head... WHEN they insist on reciting the poetry of Ogden Nash

--People who insist on talking endlessly about how their golf game is these days

--When people repeatedly make the quotation marks gesture with their fingers

--Ill-tempered Chihuahuas that tremble and bark incessantly (actually, that makes me want to murder the dog)

--Automaker advertisements that use a six second snippet of a popular song that happens to be applicable to their product and loop it over and over AND OVER AGAIN

--When athletes insist that "it's not about the money" (okay, that makes me want to murder the athlete's agent)

--Having to suffer the company of Kentuckians

--Mixed drinks in which Red Bull is used as a mixer

--When drive-thru attendants screw up my order, regardless of how simple it is or how hard I tried to clearly articulate it, because, quite frankly, they just don't give a shit.

For the love of God...

has it really come to this??? We live in a country, a world where THIS is newsworthy?!?!?

Miley Cyrus Offers Hip-Hop Kiss-Off To Twitter

Miley Cyrus (and don't think for a moment that I don't deeply rue and lament the fact that I even know who this person is) has made a rap video to explain why she has deleted her Twitter account... and posted said video to YouTube.

Lord, just go ahead and hit us with Armageddon, please!

With LSU and Florida facing off this weekend...

I thought now would be as an appropriate a time as any to bring up this...

Yes, that is State of Texas-issued, collegiate custom license plate for LOUISIANA STATE UNIVERSITY... available NOW on the TxDOT website! I realize our state is overrun with LSU alumni (and exponentially more people who went there for a semester before, due to academic and/or criminal concerns, being invited to leave)... and that about 90% of LSU's two-deep roster is comprised of Texas high school football talent, but STILL... this just seems weird to me.

BRING IT BACK!!!

I'm not what one might consider "much into" activism... perhaps I've had too easy, too comfortable a life... whatever, I apologize for nothing. Anyway, back on point (wow, I managed to derail myself in the very first sentence)... I am seriously considering stirring up some manner of grass-roots campaign (or perhaps something more "persuasive") to petition Kraft Foods to bring back the very best product they've ever produced, a product they inexplicably ceased manufacturing back in 2008... the garlic cheese roll...

I want my garlic cheese-stuffed dill pickles, damn it, and I'm not above using violent means to get them!