A discourse...

on the matter of gastronomy...

CONCERNED FRIEND: Hey... did you get another haircut... or have you lost some weight?

ME: Yeah... I've been dieting rather seriously actually... thanks for noticing. I've taken off just under 75 pounds over the last three months.

CONCERNED FRIEND: No shit! Damn... that's awesome! You gotten back in the gym? What are you doing?

ME: I've been walking... done the exercise bike or stair-stepper a few times, but the weight loss has been all due to diet. I've been doing A, B and C.

CONCERNED FRIEND: Really? Well, you know what you should do... try doing X, Y and Z.

((LONG PAUSE))

ME: Well, I'm pretty happy with the way things have gone so far... another 20 or 30 pounds and I'm gonna try to start running again... that should help me take the weight off even more rapidly. We'll see how it goes.

CONCERNED FRIEND: (HAVING COMPLETELY IGNORED THE PREVIOUS STATEMENT) You know, if you do X, Y and Z... and you drink some black tea at 10:47 in the morning, then, some green tea at precisely 3:17 in the afternoon... and right before you go to bed, do three shots of tequila and follow that with a healthy blood-letting, man... that weight will start really coming off!

((LONGER PAUSE))

ME: I'll talk to you later.