ENOUGH, DAMN IT!!!

For the last time, MTV (and VH1... and any other crappy media outlet that insists on compiling such lists)... Sir Mix-A-Lot is NOT a so-called "One-Hit Wonder". In fact, I'm rather confident that amongst us, the fans, Baby Got Back isn't even close to the top of the list of what we consider to be Mix-A-Lot's best. In support of this assertion, I submit two videos... My Hooptie (no less than an anthem for those of us that drove beat up whips back in the day) and the seminal Posse on Broadway...





SWASS!!!

How does my garden grow?

Here's the rollcall for my new herb garden...

German Thyme
Basil
Cilantro
Rosemary
Pineapple Sage
Garlic Chives
Oregano
Curry
Italian Parsley
Dill
Tarragon
Mint
Chamomile
Pennyroyal (to keep the bugs away!)

Looking forward to cooking my fat ass off when these puppies get big!

It's been forty years, Whitey, but they finally finished the job.

Former Patriots / Bills / Broncos head coach Lou Saban passed away today at the age of 87. What, you may ask, would be considered the consummate moment of his 16 year NFL coaching career? Well, while coaching for Denver in the late 60's, a mic'ed-up and exasperated Saban provided one of the all-time classic NFL Films clips when he wheeled around to assistant coach Bill "Whitey" Dovell and proclaimed, "They're killing me, Whitey! They're killing me!!!"

R.I.P., Coach Saban...

Full of sound and fury signifying nothing...

The people responsible for the artificial noise at sporting events should all be rounded up, incarcerated and tortured... and those that must answer for the dissonant din at NBA games, well, they deserve to be tortured to death. Now, I'm not talking about the organ music at a baseball game or something along the lines of a cannon blast or air raid siren set off after the home team scores a touchdown... these are a part of "the sounds of the game", both traditional and cool. No, I'm speaking of the countless canned cacophonous clips that are played endlessly and for no apparent reason... recorded chants meant to get the crowd going: "defense... defense..." or "Go, (insert team here)! Go!"... twenty second clips of the latest popular, yet unlistenable, rap / dance song... buzzing bees, race car engines roaring, wacky boing-clang-wahwahwah sound effects... ALL GARBAGE!!!

Who let the dogs out??? Who, indeed?!?

One Boring Moment...

For the first time in my life as a sports fan, I have absolutely zero interest in the NCAA basketball tournament... none, zilch, nada, bupkus. I just don't give a damn this year.

That Old Black Magic (has me in its spell)

It may sound like a strange combination, maybe it is, but I've grown very fond of this assembly when looking for a nosh... toasted bagel halves with a light spread of cream cheese and dill pickle planks. Perhaps it is odd, but I find it to be the nicest marriage of tangy and creamy since Louis Prima and Keely Smith.

"Men, as a whole, judge more with their eyes than with their hands." -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Perhaps, ol' HWL was off-base on this one...

I was watching the junior market steer show at the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo last night. The protocol for selecting the champion steer goes as such... a single judge, just a few yards away from the finalists, saunters along the herd, looking each steer over (much like a judge in a dog show)... upon reaching a decision, the judge approaches their choice and discloses the winner by lightly slapping it on the rump (and much rejoicing ensues).

As I am sick in the head, a thought occurred to me... this would be an awesome way to reveal the victors in beauty pageants! "And Miss America 2009 is... [SMACK!!!] Miss Missouri, Bunny Fluffytail!!!" How great would it be to see the emcee stroll up and place a proper pop on the well-formed posterior of America's instant-new-favorite busty, toothy beauty?!? What a coronation that would be!

From "Methodist Coloring Book"

God is gracious, God is good
So let's color in His book
God wears cotton, God wears rayon
He can mend a broken crayon
God is honest, He don't take payola
Let's all thank Him for our crayolas
You've got a Methodist Coloring book
And you color really well
But don't color outside the lines
Or God will send you to Hell.

Golden MySpace Classics... Texas' Citadel of Stupidity's Greatest Hits, Vol. 8

Original post date: December 5, 2006 - Tuesday

It's all a matter of perspective

So, a person very near and dear to me recently told me that the world needed more people like me.

I told her that if there were more people like me in this world, we would experience a serious shortage of fat pants, and nothing good could possibly come of that.

She didn't understand.

ENOUGH ALREADY WITH THE CELEBRITY SORT-OF LOOK-ALIKES!!!

Sorry... can't help myself! :-)

The late, great rocker, Freddie Mercury...



...and the "Bennett" character from the Schwartzenegger classic Commando.



"C'mon, Bennett... let's party."

Not that I've ever claimed that my diet is what you might call low-cal...

but in 27 months of strict, no-exception ovo-lacto vegetarianism, my waist size has increased by EIGHT FREAKING INCHES...

EIGHT!!!

I wonder if the nine gallons of beer I consume weekly might have any bearing on this development.

And it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I'm a vegetarian...

The Hillshire Farm spots for their line of meat products constitute the very worst advertising I've ever seen for deli-related items...







Awful... just awful.

Yet Another Celebrity Sort-Of Look-Alike!!!

New Houston Rockets point guard Kyle Lowry...



...and former rapper / current man of God, Ma$e

Top-Notch Nomenclature!

I have a new favorite name, courtesy of the world of college hoops... Alabama State senior center Chief Kickingstallionsims. Actually, his full name is Grlenntys Chief Kickingstallionsims, Jr.

Not quite Heinie Manush, but pretty damn solid!

I've learned...

that being on vacation for a week-and-a-half is NOT conducive to being a productive blogger.

A Celebrity Sort-Of Look-Alike!

American actor Leon (remember him from Madonna's "Like a Prayer" video? Huh? HUH?)...




...and Didier Drogba, striker for EPL club Chelsea.