We are a society seemingly obsessed with celebrity... a country hopelessly hooked on the tripe that is tabloid television. We are addicts... and the pabulum of the paparazzi is our fix. And when we feed at the Hollywood trough, which slop is our favorite??? Why, celebrity couples, of course! Yes, yes... the romantic uniting of two high-profile, impossibly good looking members of American royalty is an absolutely irresistible elixir... and boy, we drink it up! Though the great majority of these couplings prove to be quite fleeting, we still eat up every exciting moment. Dining out, at the premier, cocktails at the club... photographs and video of such happenings give us a brief, but stimulating, glimpse into the exciting lives of these tantalizing twosomes we hold so dear. And a recent revelation in the endeavor of celebrity gawking has greatly enhanced our ability to enjoy the pairing of pretty people... something that might best be called "couples branding". Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez... what an exciting item they are! Hey... Ben, Jennifer... BENNIFER!!! How adorable! Shit, they broke up... but wow, now Ben's dating that chick from Alias, Jennifer Garner. WAIT A MINUTE!!! Bennifer works for them too! Aren't they cute together?!? Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie... what a big-time brace that is! BRANGELINA... oh, so clever... and no sillier a nomenclature than what they call that little Ethiopian kid she adopted. You know, this "couples branding" is kind of fun... no, it's really fun! And, damn it, I think I'm gonna try my hand at it (using completely hypothetical hook-ups, of course)! Here we go...
TV star / professional Latin heartthrob... and the Wall Street wizard... Wilmer Valderrama and Meredith Whitney... WILMEREDITH!
Everybody's favorite Buddhist thespian with a taste for models turned actress... and Oscar-winning model turned actress... Richard Gere and Charlize Theron... RICHARLIZE!
The terminally wacky actor... and the terminally sultry / sexy actress... Jamie Kennedy and Jamie Pressly... um, JAMIE-POO!
The first female speaker of the United States House of Representatives... and Warren Commission detractor... Nancy Pelosi and Cyril Wecht... NANCYRIL!
How about the bawdy brains behind the Broken Lizard boys... and the striking model / actress / singer? Jay Chandrasekhar and Milla Jovovich... JOVOVICHANDRASEKHAR!
I'm gonna go get something to eat... thank you for reading!
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